Emotions, motivation and alcohol. When it comes to emotions, we need to understand a few things about alcohol and the connection between our feelings and our motivations.
There are four pillars of human motivation that overlap with emotions.
- Avoid pain: our natural inclination is to avoid pain. When it comes to being motivated to change our relationship with alcohol, avoiding pain can be a help or a barrier. Imagine if you want to avoid the pain of a broken marriage, or a DUI, then the ‘avoid pain’ becomes a positive motivation. But, if you flip the script, you might be avoiding the pain of sharing your rock bottom story, or avoiding the pain of disappointing your girlfriends by opting out of a boozy event. This is where the ‘avoid pain’ becomes tricky. When we understand the pain is both a positive and a negative pull, we can use the pain to move us toward our goal.
- Seek Pleasure: just as we want to avoid pain, we are also wired to seek pleasure. This is partly due to our old friend, dopamine, which is responsible for focus and motivation. Once again, we need to understand that ‘seeking pleasure’ can move us toward our goal or get in the way of us making sustained changes. We need to ‘boss our brain around’ when it comes to pleasure. Focusing on what feels good is important and can be a huge motivation; we feel good waking up each morning; it feels good to receive compliments about how engaged and present we are; we feel the positive benefits of patience and presence with our families. We also need to be aware that our strong pull toward ‘seeking pleasure’ can be risky – after all, we got caught up in a dynamic of overdrinking partly because of the pleasure we feel when we use alcohol (dopamine, euphoria, endorphins). Focusing solely on what ‘feels good’ might be a trap; instead, we can focus on the delayed gratification of seeking enjoyment or satisfaction vs. the fleeting reward of pleasure.
- Conserve Energy: how many of us use alcohol as a way to manage our energy? Knowing that our brain is focused on conserving energy can be helpful when we consider the ‘energy drain’ that comes with drinking and overdrinking. First, just consider the physical energy that is depleted as we recover from drinking. Add in the mental energy that is consumed by thinking about drinking, thinking about not drinking, thinking about the consequences of drinking – it’s exhausting. So, using this awareness can help us recognize the impact of drinking and our brains will be happy when we conserve the energy we were using to engage with drinking and put it toward a better and healthier outcome.
- Prove itself right: our brains are prediction machines. We love to know the answer; we love to be right! When it comes to motivation for a sober-curious life, this default mode can get in the way. We might find our brain attached to a limited belief or story about alcohol. When we know this, we open up the opportunity to practice a new way of thinking, one that can serve us and motivate us at the same time. Imagine allowing your brain to be right about the things that bring positive energy vs. those that bring negative energy? All of this is possible with new awareness.
Using this new awareness takes time and practice. See if you can catch yourself in one of these dynamics this week. Notice where you want to be right, or are focused on avoiding pain. Use the opportunity to explore how this new sense of understanding can keep you motivated to change!
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